The TRUTH from Q&A night
Thanks for having some great questions a couple weeks ago at Q&A night. As you know the topic of the night was "truth". We didn't get to all the questions that night - so as promised, we are now posting them right here ... read em over!
Q - I have a person at school that is extremely mean. But as soon as someone confronts them, they get all sad and I start worrying about them, but at the same time I want them to stop - what should I do?
A - God asks us to love others...even when they are mean! (Matt.5:44) Does this mean that we should ignore their bad behavior? No! Generally people hurt others and are mean to others because they themselves are hurt and/or angry. It is important to have compassion for these people. Their “sad” response may be a form of manipulation or it might be in direct response to someone “correcting them” in an overly negative/harsh way. If you are concerned by a friends mean nature, you should talk to that person one-on-one and explain why their attitude is so hurtful to you and to others. Emphasize their positive qualities and what you like about them.
Q - How do you tell a friend when you think they are doing something wrong without them getting angry or thinking that you are judging them?
A - You can’t control your friend’s reaction – but you can consider your “approach” on the subject and you can control your response to their response. The deepness of your friendship will determine whether your friend considers your words helpful or hurtful. And ALWAYS pray before you speak to them to get clarity on whether you are really judging them or trying to help them. (Matt.7:1-5)
Q - Why do we lie so much?
A - We lie because we are separated from God and are not perfect. It also is someetimes really hard to tell the truth, because often telling the truth means we have to face consequences and we are afraid of the consequences we might face. Sometimes even if the consequences seem minor - we would still rather stretch the truth or lie. Sometimes we lie to avoid pain. We all have peinful things that happen to us and its sometimes easier to believe a lie than accept the truth.
Q - If you can tell that someone is lying - what should you do?
A - It is important to be wise in this situation and figure out if it is worthwhile to do anything about it. People lie for all different reasons – to protect themselves and to protect others. It is impossible for us to force someone to tell us the truth – either they will or they won’t and it is their decision. If you are concerned about a friend who is lying, the best thing to do is to go to that person one-on-one and tell them that you think they are lying and ask if they will talk to you about it. Usually the best way to encourage a friend to tell the truth is in a safe relationship.
Q - When is it ok to lie?
A - The Bible tells us that lying is a sin. Telling the truth is a hard thing and can be costly at times (Remember we talked about the girl from Columbine school who did not lie when asked about her faith.) Instead she told the truth about her faith in Christ and she paid a heavy price – her life here on earth.
Q - Why do people think it is cool to drink?
A - Well, for starters – not everyone thinks drinking is cool. Especially not those people whose lives have been wrecked by an alcoholic or a drunk-driver. Generally kids feel that drinking is “cool” because it is against the law at your age. Things that are “forbidden” generally seem “cool” or are desirable to us. Just think about the Tree of Wisdom and its “cool-factor” with Adam and Eve! Alcohol also has a tendency to make us feel invincible and like a “whole different person”- for those who are struggling or dislike themselves, alcohol can be used as an escape for them.
Q - If you have 2 really loyal friends and one doesn't like the other do you tell the other or do you let them figure it out?
A - Not all of your friends are going to like each other or want to be friends with each other. We generally choose friends who have a quality in them that we either wish we had ourselves or that we admire. This means that our friends generally are going to be very different from each other and fit “our” needs as a friend. It would be unrealistic for you to assume that these friends are going to meet each others needs as friends too. Just because you have two loyal friends does not mean that they will choose to be each other’s close friends either.
If they have not already figured it out on their own, they will and you should not involve yourself in telling them what “they think of each other”. If one of your loyal friends is bad-mouthing your other friend, your response should be something like: “ I am sorry you feel that way about her, but she is one of my good friends as well and I don’t want to hear you speaking about her like that when we are hanging out.” Once you vocalize this then hopefully they’ll learn to respect your friendship boundaries and you won’t feel torn between them both.
Q - Why does God want you to always tell the truth? Do you have to tell the truth when it is really hard?
A - God loves us and does not want to be separated from us. Part of our “truth telling” is our obedience to God. God already knows the truth and knows when we lie. Just like he knew when Peter was going to lie and deny him 3 times. God desires us to come to him and confess so that our relationship with him might grow closer together. When the truth seems harder to tell, that can be an area that Satan is trying to control. If you are finding it hard to speak the truth to others, try starting by confessing the truth to God.
Q - Is having a boyfriend good or bad at this age?
A - The better question would be - why do you feel that you need a boyfriend at this age?
Q - I have a person at school that is extremely mean. But as soon as someone confronts them, they get all sad and I start worrying about them, but at the same time I want them to stop - what should I do?
A - God asks us to love others...even when they are mean! (Matt.5:44) Does this mean that we should ignore their bad behavior? No! Generally people hurt others and are mean to others because they themselves are hurt and/or angry. It is important to have compassion for these people. Their “sad” response may be a form of manipulation or it might be in direct response to someone “correcting them” in an overly negative/harsh way. If you are concerned by a friends mean nature, you should talk to that person one-on-one and explain why their attitude is so hurtful to you and to others. Emphasize their positive qualities and what you like about them.
Q - How do you tell a friend when you think they are doing something wrong without them getting angry or thinking that you are judging them?
A - You can’t control your friend’s reaction – but you can consider your “approach” on the subject and you can control your response to their response. The deepness of your friendship will determine whether your friend considers your words helpful or hurtful. And ALWAYS pray before you speak to them to get clarity on whether you are really judging them or trying to help them. (Matt.7:1-5)
Q - Why do we lie so much?
A - We lie because we are separated from God and are not perfect. It also is someetimes really hard to tell the truth, because often telling the truth means we have to face consequences and we are afraid of the consequences we might face. Sometimes even if the consequences seem minor - we would still rather stretch the truth or lie. Sometimes we lie to avoid pain. We all have peinful things that happen to us and its sometimes easier to believe a lie than accept the truth.
Q - If you can tell that someone is lying - what should you do?
A - It is important to be wise in this situation and figure out if it is worthwhile to do anything about it. People lie for all different reasons – to protect themselves and to protect others. It is impossible for us to force someone to tell us the truth – either they will or they won’t and it is their decision. If you are concerned about a friend who is lying, the best thing to do is to go to that person one-on-one and tell them that you think they are lying and ask if they will talk to you about it. Usually the best way to encourage a friend to tell the truth is in a safe relationship.
Q - When is it ok to lie?
A - The Bible tells us that lying is a sin. Telling the truth is a hard thing and can be costly at times (Remember we talked about the girl from Columbine school who did not lie when asked about her faith.) Instead she told the truth about her faith in Christ and she paid a heavy price – her life here on earth.
Q - Why do people think it is cool to drink?
A - Well, for starters – not everyone thinks drinking is cool. Especially not those people whose lives have been wrecked by an alcoholic or a drunk-driver. Generally kids feel that drinking is “cool” because it is against the law at your age. Things that are “forbidden” generally seem “cool” or are desirable to us. Just think about the Tree of Wisdom and its “cool-factor” with Adam and Eve! Alcohol also has a tendency to make us feel invincible and like a “whole different person”- for those who are struggling or dislike themselves, alcohol can be used as an escape for them.
Q - If you have 2 really loyal friends and one doesn't like the other do you tell the other or do you let them figure it out?
A - Not all of your friends are going to like each other or want to be friends with each other. We generally choose friends who have a quality in them that we either wish we had ourselves or that we admire. This means that our friends generally are going to be very different from each other and fit “our” needs as a friend. It would be unrealistic for you to assume that these friends are going to meet each others needs as friends too. Just because you have two loyal friends does not mean that they will choose to be each other’s close friends either.
If they have not already figured it out on their own, they will and you should not involve yourself in telling them what “they think of each other”. If one of your loyal friends is bad-mouthing your other friend, your response should be something like: “ I am sorry you feel that way about her, but she is one of my good friends as well and I don’t want to hear you speaking about her like that when we are hanging out.” Once you vocalize this then hopefully they’ll learn to respect your friendship boundaries and you won’t feel torn between them both.
Q - Why does God want you to always tell the truth? Do you have to tell the truth when it is really hard?
A - God loves us and does not want to be separated from us. Part of our “truth telling” is our obedience to God. God already knows the truth and knows when we lie. Just like he knew when Peter was going to lie and deny him 3 times. God desires us to come to him and confess so that our relationship with him might grow closer together. When the truth seems harder to tell, that can be an area that Satan is trying to control. If you are finding it hard to speak the truth to others, try starting by confessing the truth to God.
Q - Is having a boyfriend good or bad at this age?
A - The better question would be - why do you feel that you need a boyfriend at this age?
posted by Fusion Youth at
6:35 p.m.
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